Good evening, America, I’m LLB. It’s recently come to my attention that I. Love. Drew. Droege. You might ask me, “LLB, how might one imbibe some of the casual glamour and ironic sophistication of the internet’s nonpareil Chloe Sevigny impersonator?”
Start by slipping on caftan by Cacharel, some glow-in-the-dark riding pants by Naked and Famous, and a pair of emu skin slingback half-wedges by Proenza Schouler…
But for real, the makeup is everything. Not that Chloe herself is about to give away any of her own secrets, as evidenced by this completely full of shit excuse for a bag-dump*. So please allow me to elucidate the process by which one acquires a (facetious, male) Chloe:
* Banish stubble on the visage with a Art of Shaving 4-step shave- in sandalwood.
* Forego eye cream.
(The Chloe is not afraid of matching undereye luggage, sponsored by Moet & Chandon, Gauloises, and cocaine.)
* Full brows accentuated with a blonde brow pencil by Anastasia Beverly Hills
* Tarina Tarantino Pearl Glow primer in Pearl Nude, for that fresh Chinatown chemical peel glow.
* High Definition foundation by Smashbox.
(Guerlain Terra Cotta bronzing powder in 02)
* The perfect matte coral red lip- Lady Danger, le shade classique du MAC.
* Purse the lips
* Ironic pearlescent white eyeliner- Yeyo, by Urban Decay
* Make Up For Ever lashes in #51 Kathryn lower lash and #131 Jean uneven thin black upper lash.
* Lastly, one should acquire a flaxen head-merkin. Blonde. Only human hair will do.
There you have it. My future Hallowe’en costume: Me as Drew Dreoge as Chloe Sevigny. Any more meta, and I’d be a walking personification of this joke:
Natasha Lyonne who?
Just kidding, she’s not here. She’s in the hospital with Hepatitis C.
* Bag-dump, n.
1. a journalistic cliche in which a women’s magazine invites a celebrity, usually an actress, to share with their readership the contents of her purse. 2. a trite marketing scheme, dreamed up by advertisers, in which a women’s magazine publishes a list of decoy products claiming to have come across them organically in the purse of a famous person. 3. a short con or pickpocketing scheme, usually involving an overburdened gypsy and a train station.